My boyfriend takes over an hour to come and my vagina is sore

Q

Me and my boyfriend are in our early twenties and have a bit of an unusual problem. He lasts too long… It always takes over an hour of sex for him to cum and the same thing with blowjobs. He gets tired and I get sore and to be honest, after about half an hour I'm losing interest. It also occasionally makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong like I'm not being sexy enough.  He does stay hard most of the time though, so it doesn’t seem like he’s not aroused. We can’t continue this way because it is affecting how often we have sex now because we know it’s going to take ages, and I can’t have sex for that long every day. What can we do? We have already tried having him not masturbate for a few days before hand and also watching porn during sex to see if that speeds things up, but neither has worked at all. I've had the issue of men finishing too quickly before and I never knew the opposite could be a problem too.

A

We feel your pain girl. There’s a lot of focus on men trying to last longer. But get boned for an hour a day for a week and you will be praying for a little premature ejaculation. When people want a long sex session that’s usually because they want more room for teasing and foreplay and other fun stuff. Not because they want to get pounded non-stop all day. That’s very repetitive and quite traumatic for the orifice.

Sex is also best with some variety. You want to have marathons, half marathons, sprints and relaxing strolls on the menu. A marathon every day might kill you.

Is your boyfriend on any medications that could be impacting his ejaculation? Is he a drinker, smoker, stoner or regular user of any other drugs? Many prescribed and recreational drugs can prolong the time it takes to orgasm. So I’d rule this out first. 

But if there are no substances that might be responsible, the next thing to look at is his wanking habits. Does it take him 1+ hour to jack off? Or has that remained a quick process? If he’s able to masturbate to completion quickly then that tells us a couple of things. Firstly, it means he’s able to cum quick, meaning his long lasting in sex is likely either a psychological issue or a masturbatory technique issue. Secondly, it means we have a solution.

On a psychological level, it may be that consciously or unconsciously he’s prolonging time to orgasm with a partner. On a technical level, it may be that he is used to masturbating in a way that is not replicable by partnered sex. For example, he could be gripping his dick extremely hard when wanking, and after years of this habituated it to this sensation. Your vagina, of course, cannot mimic a clenched fist even if you kegel like a pro, and so his penis isn’t getting the intense grip that it is used to. This issue can be rectified by him abstaining from masturbation for longer than a few days, and then returning to it with a looser grip. Taking an extended break from wanking may also help if it is a psychological effect. 

But most of all, if he can rub himself to completion in a few minutes, this is the solution to your problem. You don’t have to wait for your boyfriend to orgasm while he’s still inside you. He can pull out and finish himself off at any point. It still counts as sex. You don’t have to leave the room, you are still a part of it. Meanwhile, you can kiss him (or his balls) and experiment with finding different places for him to ejaculate. 

I hope one of these solutions works for you, and am sure one will. But if not, get back in touch and I can offer another approach. Good luck and give your poor vagina a hug from me.

 

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SEX Q&A ROUND UP

Since the Pro Boner launched last Valentine's Day I've answered many sex and relationship questions both on the SEX Q&A page, and privately via email.  

I've loved reading your questions, and doing my best to help you out with your love lives and sex lives, so keep them coming.  We're working on some exciting audio and video content at the moment, and hopefully in the future we will be able to take questions over the phone and provide more comprehensive, tailored advice.

Here is a little summary of some of the most recently published questions.  If you have a question of your own, you can ask here.

Posted on February 15, 2016 .