Depression vs. Libido

Q

I need a bit of advice. I have been suffering from a low libido for months now. I know droughts are normal and usually due to lifestyle circumstances like stress,anxiety and depression which is likely to affect everyone at some point. However, my sex drive has been so low for so long and despite the fact that I love and am attracted to my boyfriend, when it comes down to it I just feel so exhausted, even if ive barely left the house that day. I know it wont last forever, but I was wondering if you had any tips or suggestions that might help me get my libido back on track.

A

Firstly, I'm really sorry that you've been suffering for so long.  As explored in the Lady Libido article, it's quite normal for libidos to fluctuate, and research suggests that most women possess 'responsive style' desire, meaning they experience the urge to have sex AFTER sexual stimuli is presented or arousal triggered.   

So it's important to not worry or stress about your seemingly low libido, because you may just need to be aroused and seduced to get in the mood.

However, your mention of stress, anxiety, depression, and exhaustion even when you've barely left your house, implies that you may really be struggling with some mental health stuff at the moment.  Especially as you say your libido has been 'so low for so long' - it doesn't sound like a case of typical fluctuation and rather an ongoing concern.

Depression has a profound effect on our sex lives.  Mainly it's said that depression curbs libido. And it's extra fucking annoying because sex can potentially improve your mood, especially if you're receiving a nice dose of mood enhancing ejaculate

If you haven't already, I suggest you speak with your doctor about your symptoms of depression and anxiety, and get the support that you deserve.   You may be prescribed a form of antidepressant, which could result in improvements in your symptoms and an increased desire for sex.  But, extra extra fucking annoying, a potential side effect of most antidepressants is a reduced libido and other sexual dysfunction (eg. inability to orgasm).  Furthermore, for some people this lack of desire and sexual contact can end up affecting their romantic relationships and make them even more depressed.

It's a true catch-22 situation, but you won't know what side effects (if any) you experience until you actually try out a medication.  Often the case is that while one medication may reduce your libido, another may not. So, if you're unhappy with what your doctor prescribes you, you must let them know and request to try a different drug if possible.

Even though it's awkward, you should also let your doctor know about your libido concerns, just incase there is a medical reason. Be aware that many doctors minimise the importance of desire for, and enjoyment of sex so you really have to advocate for yourself here (or get another doctor).

Finally I would say, make sure you keep your boyfriend in the loop.  Let him know what you're experiencing and ensure that he knows you still find him sexually attractive.  AND anytime that you do feel a little interest in sex, go with it.  If your boyfriend isn't around, always masturbate a lil.  Stimulating yourself on your own removes any feelings of pressure to perform and/or obligation to be sexy, but allows you to get in touch with your erotic mind. If you enjoy it and are able to keep reinforcing it as positive and pleasurable experience for yourself, it should gradually become automatically more appealing. 

If you want any further advice, or direction to resources just drop me another message with your email address and I'll get in touch.

Good luck.