I’m a girl (22) and I’ve just gotten in to my first (kind of) serious relationship. I’ve always maintained my pubes with shaving/trimming and gone for the completely bald look. Now that I’m sleeping with someone more regularly this is harder to maintain and I’m really self-conscious about my stubble/rash situation. To make matters worse I have just discovered I have hair growing around my arsehole and all the way up my crack. I literally had no idea until my boyfriend pointed it out. I have since tried to look in the mirror, and he is completely right. Obviously this is really humiliating and I am not doing doggie anymore! And I am not going to ask my friends about this, so I’m asking you: what do I do to get rid of this, and how can I avoid the problems that come with shaving my vagina every other day?
First of all don’t shave your vagina, shave your vulva/mons/labia if anything.
Second of all if butt hair is rare then why does everyone get asked to roll on their front and spread their cheeks for a Brazilian?
I’m really sorry you feel so unnecessarily humiliated and self-conscious about a totally normal thing. I assume your boyfriend has a hairy butthole too, and that you’ve never felt the need to point it out to him. I don’t blame him though - unfortunately we are all used to seeing mostly only very groomed female genitals. Which means we don’t have an accurate sense of what un-groomed really looks like.
This is true in pornography, but also in mainstream media where female body hair simply doesn’t exist (even in advertisements for hair removal products). I think there is an entire generation of men who genuinely have no idea that women grow hair in such places. In fact the only people who are really aware of the full extent of our pubic and other body hair, are the people who remove it for us (I don’t even trust gynaecologists and other such physicians to have the full picture because I’m well aware that people groom their pubes before doctors’ appointments).
Yeah, everyone has hair covering almost our entire bodies (exceptions include: palms of the hands, soles of the feet, lips, eyelids and not much else). The differences lie in how light/dark, fine/coarse the hairs are, and how long/short, sparsely/densely they grow. So almost all of your female friends I’m sure have had their own troubles with their varying degrees of bum fluff. I’d definitely recommend opening up a dialogue about it.
I would also recommend that everyone regularly use mirrors to get to know their genitals. As I was discussing with my grandma the other day, the female genitals do not get enough attention due to their visually obscured configuration. You need to know what’s happening down there. That way if anything is wrong you will know it. Also it’s just nice to know what you’re working with, and you might develop more of a rapport with your genitals as a result.
My piece of advice for pube removal is to find a style/routine that doesn’t interfere with your life. So many people’s lives are plagued with anxiety about body hair removal, and that makes me v. sad/angry. Also I believe that many people haven’t given themselves a chance to live with pubes for a while. You might find that you’re most comfortable unshaved, and you might find that once your boyfriend comes to terms with the fact that female humans are covered in hair, he might start to learn that he's in to it.
But you can totally shave your butt hole/crack. If you need to see what you’re doing have a squat over a mirror, or lie back with a pillow under your hips and a mirror in between your legs. Or you can do it in the shower/bath just by touch. Trim long hairs before shaving, keep your skin taut, and only go over the same areas a 1-4 times to avoid irritation.
But yes, shaving every day/other day is a no no for most people. The hairs grow back as bluntly cut stubble, which is uncomfortable to deal with and it's very irritating to the skin. You also want to be really careful with waving blades around your genitals. Slice your butthole even a tiny bit and you’re going to have a bad week.
In terms of pubes, and definitely in terms of butt area hair, waxing is a great alternative. Drawbacks include: it’s more painful, more expensive, and you are required to wait longer in-between removals. My number one rule for a first brazillian or bikini wax, is to go to a really good place. I recommend Ministry of Waxing, which has worldwide locations. They will do the job quickly, professionally, and safely, and most importantly make you feel comfortable. Whilst you’re there you can ask them “excuse me, do I have an unusual amount of buttcrack hair” and they will tell you “honey the woman before you had triple this”, and you will know that you are not a freak.
The regrowth is softer, although you may have trouble with ingrown hairs, which can be unpleasant. So you will need to take extra care to regularly (gently) exfoliate, and keep the skin hydrated and moisturised.
Really though, you want to work toward what ever makes you feel comfortable enough to get back to doggie.