How do I get my girlfriend to want to have anal sex?

The Pro Boner Sex & Relationship Q&A 

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Dear Sofi, 

Looking for some advice here:

I have a quite substantial bum fetish, and by that I mean I love anal sex.

The problem is my girlfriend doesn't seem to like it so much and has said an outright no to the idea although she doesn't mind an odd finger.

When we're doing the business she asks me to stop putting my hand near her butt mid way through sex and I loose interest in sex as I don't feel fulfilled.

I know this is terrible, because I think she's so sexy and theres nothing wrong with her V, but the booty is what stimulates my sex drive and I can't help despite knowing its quite an unhealthy level of fetish to have. 

Any advice would be super duper helpful! 


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First off don’t worry. It’s not a terrible and unhealthy level of fetish, you just really want to put your dick in your girlfriends butt.  No biggie.

The problem is some people just don’t like getting anally penetrated.  I know it’s a shocker because it seems universally enjoyable, but some people find it too uncomfortable or even really painful.

It’s a tricky one because it can be a case of ‘practice makes perfect’ with butt sex. 

Many people report that it takes a while to get used to the sensation before they start to derive pleasure from it. 

BUT not everybody gets to a point where they find anal sex pleasurable, and not everybody even wants to try and get there.

I think the best POA is to try and find out if your girlfriend can enjoy anal sex or not.  And I think the best way to find out is to completely remove your dick (and maybe all penetration) from the equation for a bit. 

It may seem counter productive, but if you focus on just; her, her butt, and the pleasure that she can potentially derive from it, it might get you a step closer to being allowed inside it.

First talk with your girlfriend.  She has given you an "outright no" in regards to anal sex, so ask her this: if you promise that anal sex is completely off the cards for the time being, would she be up for incorporating some non-penetrative non-thrusting butt stuff in to your usual sex. 

This way her butthole might feel less threatened when your hand starts to move towards it and she might not feel so compelled to keep asking you to stay away from it. 

If she's not up for trying this I'm afraid you've hit a dead end and you're stuck with the 'V'.

But if she gives you the go ahead, then go ahead and try all sorts to discover something that she likes. 

Play with her whole-butt not just the butt-hole.  Use your hands.  Use your face.  Just do stuff while she’s already feeling good, and see if you can work the booty in a way that heightens her pleasure.

Hopefully she enjoys this ass attention, and you enjoy giving it. And you guys get to a place where anal sex becomes a desirable option, and gets put back on the cards.  But no promises.  It might just be a no go zone.