I have been in a great relationship for a number of years now and we have always had a great sex life. However because we are both really busy at the moment we do not have it nearly as much. I feel like I want to try something exciting and new and get it up and running again, but I have found myself in a bit of a comfort rut. We have done all the basic stuff like sexy underwear, role play and public places so I want to try something more exciting than that. But I am just strapped for ideas and cant think of anything off the top of my head. How shall I go about injecting a bit of spice back in to the old sex life? I need ideas!!
I can’t really throw some ideas your way because I don’t know what you and your partner are in to! It's easiest for you to just build on what kind of things have really worked for you guys in the past. For example when you’ve done some role-playing together, has there been a certain scenario or power dynamic that you’ve particularly enjoyed? Say you both get really in to a scenario where one of you is clearly in the role of taking charge and being bossy, you can try out other things in which you can incorporate the same dynamic and roles.
If you identify the core aspects of the sex that you've had that's been especially great, you can then try things out that emphasise these aspects in new and different ways.
But it doesn’t really sound like you’re not enjoying the sex you’re having, just that you’re having less of it. So you don’t even necessarily need to come up with new ideas. In long-term relationships there is inevitably going to be some variation in the frequency of sex being had during different times of your lives. As long as neither of you are frustrated or upset about the fact that you’re having less sex at the moment, you really don’t need to worry about finding a way to get it going again because it’s naturally going to happen anyway.
But if you find that when you’re both a little less busy and have more time for sex you still feel like you’re in a rut:
- Make the effort to have some really open and fun conversations about what you both are in to and what you may be up for trying together, and you might end up giving each other new ideas.
- If you enjoy role-playing together, then technically the possibilities of what you can do are endless...
- If you have no ideas between the two of you, you can try watching some porn together and seeing if anything new pops up and tickles your fancy.
- You can ask your friends if they’ve done anything special lately and they might have something new to recommend.
- You can always add toys (or different toys if you’ve already been using some) to partnered sex for new sensations and new possibilities.
- ALSO really simply, if you can try and inject a little spontaneity just in to how you initiate sex, the novelty right from the start can have a surprising knock on effect...